Oooohhhh, I’m a tell mamma!

So the kids are sleep and I’m feeling kinda sad. I got a call from the social worker at school while I was at work and ya’ll know what it means when they have to call you…nothing good. My sweet, comedic lil’ superhero fella was at school cursing like a sailor and talking about his “brother” was teaching him this and talking about other things I’m not even going to talk about that now. I only got a call that day (as opposed to the previous week when most of the issues happened) was because he “threw books in the class room” and when she talked to him a little bit and told him she was going to call me he got his act together pretty quickly. I was HOT to say the least. I was speechless. If ya’ll know me you know I’m not going for that. Kids have a lane they are required to stay in and any swerving will lead to getting set straight by force or by choice…

So we had an interesting evening. Some conversations about language and controlling anger and emotions and how to handle situations with bullies (which seems to be the reoccurring theme this early on in the Kindergarten school year that isn’t getting resolved) then he got to choose how many days he got to be on punishment and how many swats across the tail he was going to get. Now I’m from an old school household where the way I discipline my kids would likely be laughed at. 

(These represent the evolution of my son's time outs- you know one minute for each year of age. This is usually only after two or three minutes- super nanny lied or I don't have the time out touch)

When I was a kid you got wooped and if you were extra bad you got to choose the switch
off the tree outside you’d get wooped with. Sometimes it would be the hand, belt, sometimes the extension cord and sometimes I just got items tossed at me to get my attention. I knew if I got out of line, messed up at school I was in trouble. And don’t let me try to be slick and get away with something and one of my sibling find out-it would be worse. Oooohhhh-I’m a tell Mamma (ten cool points for whoever can name the show and character that used to say that)

I never felt like I was abused yet I still wouldn’t employ some of the methods I received. I’m not one of those new age, coddle the kids and give them freedom, kind of parents either. I try to read and learn as much as I can about child development and lately there seems to be a bunch of info on how spanking is so bad for the kids.

Some studies I read suggested spanking can lead to increased aggression, anti-social behavior, language and developmental issues. One article stated:

On the international front, physical discipline is increasingly being viewed as a violation of children’s human rights. http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx

Really? Violation of children’s human rights? Is it a violation of the parents human rights when the kid is throwing a fit and hitting them because their kid has no respect for authority. I’m not saying that spanking your kids is the only way to do so but I will get into that in a bit.

Another stated:

Researchers found that maternal spanking at age 5 was significantly associated with greater aggression and rule-breaking as well as lower scores on vocabulary tests at age 9. Fathers' spanking at age 5 was associated with lower vocabulary scores at age 9, according to the research.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/22/spanking-increased-aggression-study_n_4143886.html

I don’t recall feeling different if my mother or father disciplined me but ok whatever. I thought that was an interesting find.

Another study said this:

Previous research had also found that parents who spank are more likely to be younger, less educated, single, and/or depressed and stressed, Berlin's study said. Spanking is most commonly used among parents who were spanked themselves, who live in the South, and/or who identify themselves as conservative Christians. These parents also tend to believe in the effectiveness of spanking or believe the child is at fault in a given situation, the study said.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/09/16/spanking.children.parenting/index.html

Um, I don’t know how to even react to this one. But I’m going to go for it. If you are easily offended by racial issues you may want to deviate from my blog at this time.

That study did specifically look at lower income individual which of course included more Black folks. Why do we have such a hard freaking time letting go of outdated ways-why!! This is why we as a people can not move on and get over our own internalized shit. 
We Black folks, I think (I could be wrong) tend to discipline our kids with corporal punishment more than others and with little to no shame in it. We also have the highest population in prison, one of the highest murder rate (Black on Black) and the lowest high school graduation rate, one of the lowest races who hold college degrees-so should we surmise that causation is equal to causation? Hell no! Yet this is a fallacy that is perpetuated in study after study and in media and it fuels racist propaganda already littered with ignorant empty stereotypes. Black folks, we got to do better. We've got to evolve and find better ways to discipline our kids because how we do so DOES play a role in many things but it’s up to us to shape what things those are. We have to support and share knowledge with each other otherwise all of our kids (no matter the race) future is screwed.

There was a valid point I did find on spanking that I agree with:

“Spanking does make the kid stop," he told The New York Times. “It gives the immediate feedback that it’s working. But the goal is to have kids regulate themselves over time. And in that, spanking fails.”

The idea occurred to me to begin a weekly section on the blog linked to my facebook page called Mommy Manual. (Click on the tab at the top)
In this we can share honest advice and tips on parents in real time-from mommy to mommy. This weeks topic will be disipline and spanking. Check it out to see my take on the topic and why I was so sad. Don’t forget to leave your advice or tips thoughts on the topic. 

Love affair with Sam G

I have been in denial ya’ll. I think it’s time I come clean and let my man know that I have been having an affair. I have actually been not only double timing him, but triple timing with two others…I’m a hoe…A technology hoe!

I have a love affair going with my cell phone. I call him Sammy G. When he gets all red and hot from me using him all day long I spend my nights with Mac. How did it come to this? When did I develop this aching need to spend every waking idol moment attached to technology?

It may have started back when I first saw New Jack City. Those huge cell phones. I was like-YES I need that. You mean I can talk to someone when I’m not at home or on a payphone. I need it! But my mom shut that one down-probably not the best look to be in middle school lounging on a cell phone as big as my forearm.

Then the cordless phones for the house. I was like-YES I need that. You mean I can walk around the house and talk on the phone and not have to untangle the cord or maneuver around the super duper long cord on the phone in the kitchen (don’t act like it was just at my grandma’s house-ya’ll know you had that one phone that had the 19 foot cord that everyone always used). We had to have one in every room.

Then came the beepers and  2 way pagers. Oh my goodness the beepers. My daughter asked me the other day, what a beeper was and why I even had one. I told her-I could page someone and leave my number for them to call me back and if it was important I’d put in 911-who wouldn’t want that, and a cases (from the booth in the mall) in like every color. YES! She looked at me and was like, no mom-that’s an epic fail. I’d have to agree.

Two way pagers were pretty cool back then too. I was happy when actual cell phones that could fit into a back pack or purse then came along. The wonderful flip phones. Dang flip phones were the most popular thing for a while there.

Fast forward to the invasion of smart phones, tablets and laptops and you erase the notion of personal space or private time. My phone is always on, I’m always connected to the internet wherever I am. I can’t tell you how many times I have called and cursed out Charter because my freaking wireless internet was down. I didn’t know how to function without it. I had to go learn (from the internet) how to troubleshoot, repair and hook-up my own wifi and create my own personal network at home so I don’t lose my internet connection-hopefully not as much. I needs my internet- It’s like it just keeps calling me man, it keeps calling me…lol

Sorry about that lil’ tangent, I’m back. But isn’t it simply awe-inspiring how far we have come with mobile technology just in our lifetimes? Imagine how our kids will look back and recall things. I can find any answer I want on google. Watch how it’s done on Youtube and order the supplies on Amazon. I can text you that I can’t come to your party because I’m home sick then you can see on four square or facebook that I’m actually at DSW. Ok that wouldn’t happen-I keep my GPS off at all times. I can play uno with friends (well random folks) listen to music, watch tv shows, read a book, video chat I shop for my guy by sending him a picture of what I’m looking at, scan items while I’m in the store to see if there is a better price somewhere else. Buy movie tickets, check in for a flight, check my kids report card or see if she is where she’s supposed to be when she’s supposed to be there, and most importantly, buy junk! Oh yeah and I can still make calls.

And if I get sick of my phone I can open my laptop and do just about the same thing only with a bigger screen and the added bonus of being able to write. Who needs a man or kids-hell I’ll just buy life sized cutouts just to keep around after they leave me for my technology addition. At least I won’t have to feed them or no one will interrupt me when I’m playing candy crush.

I will point out that with my love affairs and addiction, I have become an impatient, give it to me now kind of person at times. I'm not as bad as those folks who are in the bathroom with the cell phones-yuck! Don't do that people-it's nasty. That call can't wait and we gotta hear you talk about nothingness while we trying to have a moment of silence and a quick piss. I mean think about all the poo and pee particles in the air and on surfaces and then you touch it then touch your phone and put it to your face then come up to me like-hey, you wanna see this picture on my phone and I look at you like hell no I don't wanna touch your phone with feces particles on it. Whew, ok I'm done with that one, sorry. LOL

I can’t recall the last time I actually called someone and had a long, long phone conversation. (like the ones that used to last hours and you’d fall asleep holding the phone with the dial tone ringing in your ear) Emails and ecards/facebook posts have replaced letters, and notes and cards. Being adventurous has given way to, let’s check the reviews first. My love affairs are slowly taking my humanity!!! Help me!

I tried to break up with Sammy but he just sat there, looking all sad with his blinking lights. Then, he vibrated and I knew he really wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet. He needed one more chance to show he can give me space and let me be free. I just can’t let him go. I can’t let Mac go either. They mean too much to me.

I’ll promise myself, I will only spend time with them for 3, 4, ok 6 hours a day and only if it’s at night and only if it’s for working on my novel or blog. Unless I need to google something or make a shopping list or…maybe I should look up on my phone how to not use your phone so much…oh to hell with it!

Me at a poetry reading. Yes I do have tons of poems saved on my phone.

(side note-my man was catching on to my affairs so I got him a lil’ distraction we’ll just call iPatty, and he’s been MIA ever since)

I should be twisting my hair but....

What do ya'll think? Anyone else out there find themselves attached by invisible cords to their devises?

Hair I go...

My eyebrows this morning...Yuck!

Why....Why do I do this to myself? I know it's going to be painful. It may cut me, leave a scar or make my skin swollen and red. Yet I keep doing it. What is wrong with me.
Oh yeah, because I don't want to walk around looking like a circus sideshow act. The bearded woman anyone.

Of all the things I love about being a woman, hair removal is the last on the list for sure. Well maybe getting my period is last but I won't go there. I wish I didn't have to go through the motions but God decided that light skinned Black women should be extra hairy so...yeah.
I know what you're thinking, it's not that bad. It's that bad. If I skip a fews days, eh nothing black stocking can't hide. Skip a week or two-AHHHH. I'm gonna need two razors to clean this up. It get's so drastic that when I do shave, my man is so excited that...well I won't go there, let's just say I can skip the 12 play-lol. I don't let it get out of control by any means but it's a damn chore. Every day I'm either plucking or threading my eyebrows or mustache or beard. Shaving my legs, armpits or stomach (yea don't act like it's just me) and other areas that I won't even tell ya'll about. It's insane.

Funny side note. I once tried hair and nail pills and by the end of bottle I didn't see any difference in growth with the hair on my head but um, I swear I had a freaking goatee and hair on my chest. WTF! Never again! LOL

Any how I have tried it all. Shaving seems to be the tried and true method.
Waxing. I have never felt that much pain until I tired electrolysis. Plucking, damn it hurts. Threading, yeah like yanking tears from your eyes. Nair, ugh...Nothing turns your man on like walking in the bathroom to a rancid smell of depilatory cream and you standing there naked covered in thick cream wiggling around from the itching. Sexy.

I think I should go on hair removal strike. Let the unibrow and goatee grow in. Let my leg hair fill in so I can accessorize when I wear a skirt-maybe braid it add some beads to match my shoes.

Would ya'll still talk to me? Maybe I can start a trend-a revolution! I refuse to torture myself any longer. I will be free and love all my hairiness in it's glory.

Yea that's what I'll do...Right after I'm done plucking my eyebrows and shaving my legs. Ok I'll start next week, maybe next month when it get's colder. Who am I kidding, I'm going to keep torturing myself. Hair I go...

I must not be shaving right because I never look that damn happy....

Anyone else have a love hate relationship with hair removal they wanna share?

Bucket of Legos

I have MIA for a while now. I'm sorry and it's sad that I haven't been writing. I have a good excuse, I've been in my own world studying Hinduism and learning how to medidate. I'm feel much more centered now-not sure why I didn't do this years ago, but that subject is a whole other blog I'll write about another time.

Tonight, I'm reflecting on my recent discovery of legos!
Being a girl, well woman now, I didn't get to play with them as a kid. My daughter was never interested in them either so I was excited when my son wanted some for his birthday.
However, I didn't quite think this one through... I have already felt the piercing pain of stepping on legos in the middle of the night. I have already survived the mini meltdown when he couldn't find the tiny helmet for the lego Iron Man. Don't even ask me how many cuss words I said as I sat with my son for an hour putting together the stinking boat that the lego Avengers ride in...WTF, an hour sorting through tiny blocks. I thought I would never get done, but I was so proud of myself when it was complete. Then it occurred to me that legos are sort of like my life right now.

Right out of the box, I'm a complete mess. Pieces of this and that all over the place. At first, it looks like the possibilities and combinations are endless. Peice by piece, trying to build something, I get frustrated and want to give up. In the process I don't see how what I'm doing could ever look like the object shown on the box. Although it seems to take forever, when I'm done, I'm so proud and I just want to tackle another project.

So that's my life right now. Evaluating all the pieces to see what to build next. Although lately, I'm not hoping it turns out like the image on the box-I want to create something totally different with my life.

Now I've confessed my new fascination with legos as I sit here playing with them like a big kid. Tell me, what childhood game is similar to your life right now?

Ruby slippers

What is it about a super cute pair of new shoes that makes a girl feel all gittty and pretty? I don't know but I loooooove me some heels. Don't you?

Being only 5 feet tall (there I admitted it for all the world to know) sometimes heels are a neccessity for certain outfits. Ever had the issues of not being able to find the right height heels for you pants or vice versa?  Having options is not optional, right?

I think I became obsessed with heels when I first saw Wizard of Oz and Dorothy had on those ruby red glitter heels...Yeah baby-I have been searching for the perfect replica ever since ya'll. I love heels.

My daughter thinks I have an addiction but as a mother there aren't many things I can buy for myself that I can keep all to myself. My laptop gets used for school paper and games and netflix marathons of superhero cartoons and power rangers so all I have left is my heels. What's so bad about that?

Any how the point of my rant this week is because I saw something on the Today's show about what's an approperate age to let little girls wear heels... With the things they make for little girls to wear, the least of my concerns forcing them to grow up too fast would be heels.

I wore heels to church as a little girl-no big deal. I allowed my daughter to have a pair of sandals or dress shoes with a little heel-no big deal. Even if they want to wear them all the time, trust me they will soon decide to put them away. While they are oh so freaking cute they can hurt like a mutha- $#!%^&. Even as an experienced heel wearer I have to give my feet a break during the day.

So here are some of the benefits, that I have found, to wearing heels.
They make you look taller.
They make your legs and butt look awesome.
You develop great posture and balance.
You look sexy (unless you go the rachet route then that's just a waste of a good shoe)

Now done wrong you can jack up your calf muscles and hips not to mention if you slip or fall it's a done one for your ankle. They definately are not for everyone, even if you can find them in your size. However, when you find that perfect pair that just calls your name from across the store you feel like you have found your sole mate! Hello there lover-where have you been all my life....

Me and my fav glitter heels on Beale St.
Great night with  my fam!

So ya'll I can't be alone. As I'm up late shopping for my next new lovely pair, tell me about your favorite pair of heels and why you love them. And do you think there is an appropriate age to allow your daughter to begin wearing heels? Think on that and be sure to share...I'll be browsing on zappos and amazon while I wait on your responses. :)

Not my closet but I'm working on getting here.