Oooohhhh, I’m a tell mamma!

So the kids are sleep and I’m feeling kinda sad. I got a call from the social worker at school while I was at work and ya’ll know what it means when they have to call you…nothing good. My sweet, comedic lil’ superhero fella was at school cursing like a sailor and talking about his “brother” was teaching him this and talking about other things I’m not even going to talk about that now. I only got a call that day (as opposed to the previous week when most of the issues happened) was because he “threw books in the class room” and when she talked to him a little bit and told him she was going to call me he got his act together pretty quickly. I was HOT to say the least. I was speechless. If ya’ll know me you know I’m not going for that. Kids have a lane they are required to stay in and any swerving will lead to getting set straight by force or by choice…

So we had an interesting evening. Some conversations about language and controlling anger and emotions and how to handle situations with bullies (which seems to be the reoccurring theme this early on in the Kindergarten school year that isn’t getting resolved) then he got to choose how many days he got to be on punishment and how many swats across the tail he was going to get. Now I’m from an old school household where the way I discipline my kids would likely be laughed at. 

(These represent the evolution of my son's time outs- you know one minute for each year of age. This is usually only after two or three minutes- super nanny lied or I don't have the time out touch)

When I was a kid you got wooped and if you were extra bad you got to choose the switch
off the tree outside you’d get wooped with. Sometimes it would be the hand, belt, sometimes the extension cord and sometimes I just got items tossed at me to get my attention. I knew if I got out of line, messed up at school I was in trouble. And don’t let me try to be slick and get away with something and one of my sibling find out-it would be worse. Oooohhhh-I’m a tell Mamma (ten cool points for whoever can name the show and character that used to say that)

I never felt like I was abused yet I still wouldn’t employ some of the methods I received. I’m not one of those new age, coddle the kids and give them freedom, kind of parents either. I try to read and learn as much as I can about child development and lately there seems to be a bunch of info on how spanking is so bad for the kids.

Some studies I read suggested spanking can lead to increased aggression, anti-social behavior, language and developmental issues. One article stated:

On the international front, physical discipline is increasingly being viewed as a violation of children’s human rights. http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx

Really? Violation of children’s human rights? Is it a violation of the parents human rights when the kid is throwing a fit and hitting them because their kid has no respect for authority. I’m not saying that spanking your kids is the only way to do so but I will get into that in a bit.

Another stated:

Researchers found that maternal spanking at age 5 was significantly associated with greater aggression and rule-breaking as well as lower scores on vocabulary tests at age 9. Fathers' spanking at age 5 was associated with lower vocabulary scores at age 9, according to the research.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/22/spanking-increased-aggression-study_n_4143886.html

I don’t recall feeling different if my mother or father disciplined me but ok whatever. I thought that was an interesting find.

Another study said this:

Previous research had also found that parents who spank are more likely to be younger, less educated, single, and/or depressed and stressed, Berlin's study said. Spanking is most commonly used among parents who were spanked themselves, who live in the South, and/or who identify themselves as conservative Christians. These parents also tend to believe in the effectiveness of spanking or believe the child is at fault in a given situation, the study said.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/09/16/spanking.children.parenting/index.html

Um, I don’t know how to even react to this one. But I’m going to go for it. If you are easily offended by racial issues you may want to deviate from my blog at this time.

That study did specifically look at lower income individual which of course included more Black folks. Why do we have such a hard freaking time letting go of outdated ways-why!! This is why we as a people can not move on and get over our own internalized shit. 
We Black folks, I think (I could be wrong) tend to discipline our kids with corporal punishment more than others and with little to no shame in it. We also have the highest population in prison, one of the highest murder rate (Black on Black) and the lowest high school graduation rate, one of the lowest races who hold college degrees-so should we surmise that causation is equal to causation? Hell no! Yet this is a fallacy that is perpetuated in study after study and in media and it fuels racist propaganda already littered with ignorant empty stereotypes. Black folks, we got to do better. We've got to evolve and find better ways to discipline our kids because how we do so DOES play a role in many things but it’s up to us to shape what things those are. We have to support and share knowledge with each other otherwise all of our kids (no matter the race) future is screwed.

There was a valid point I did find on spanking that I agree with:

“Spanking does make the kid stop," he told The New York Times. “It gives the immediate feedback that it’s working. But the goal is to have kids regulate themselves over time. And in that, spanking fails.”

The idea occurred to me to begin a weekly section on the blog linked to my facebook page called Mommy Manual. (Click on the tab at the top)
In this we can share honest advice and tips on parents in real time-from mommy to mommy. This weeks topic will be disipline and spanking. Check it out to see my take on the topic and why I was so sad. Don’t forget to leave your advice or tips thoughts on the topic.