Yea that's is pretty much how I have been feeling. I usually go through seasons where I write feverishly in consecutive all night stints for months, then in slow trickles of notes here and there, some revision of old stuff, then, nothing-literally nothing. I have to force myself to sit and just write something, anything becasue when I don't write the crazy comes out. Ya'll I mean really crazy-bad dreams, night sweats, shitty attitude, crying, overly emotional, can't eat, don't want to get out of bed kind of crazy. Even my kids know, 'ok, let's leave mommy alone so she can write the crazy away'. It's sad.
This blog was supposed to be a way to force me to write when I feel the block weighing down, but, well, it's a challenge. I'm always in search of methods and routines to try to keep myself from falling to that dark, dingy place writers go when they are blocked.
Go for long walks or runs....
Caffine...Alcohol....Junk food...Healthy food....
Cook...Bake...Clean...Paint...Draw...
Read a good book....Watch a good movie....Play a video game......Listen to music...
Take a nap...Take notes....Keep a journal...People watch......
Meditate...Have sex...Don't have sex...
I could go on and on.
If you've never experienced writers block it's kind of like...the feeling of always having the word or phrase you're in search of on the tip of your tounge. Like trying to sit and write but a huge burning hole is in the place where your thoughts are-if you reach in just the right way you may be able to pull a thing or two out but what if you get burned and what if you grab the wrong thing and what if you make the fire worse and...it's like standing on the end of a cliff you've jumped off many times before, you know you can make it down but what if this one time you bust your head on the rocks or break your neck on the way down and become paralyzed and land on the bottom bleeding and wild animals come from nowhere and begin eating away at you lifeless body and you are awake watching them but you can't feel anything because you are paralyzed and all you can think about is why did I jump and try to write this stupid book that no one, not even your own mother even likes anyhow...ok that's a little dramatic but I think you get the point.
The scary part about writers block, well an artistic block of any kind, is learning about how painful it can be. I thought I was alone and insane until my boyfiriend got me a poetry book by Anne Sexton and I read about her blocks and demons and how eventually, in my opinion, that killed her via her taking her own life. Another one of my favorite poets and another poetry book my honey got for me was of Sylvia Plath. Yet, another amazing poet suffering from an emotional life with her own demons that led her to the same tragic suicidal end. (there seems to be a theme here, I think) I am terrified of this place. Even more afraid of the block then death itself. I mean, death is final, but bad writing or never having written anything worthwhile, is eternal. Feeling like you have something to say but nothing to say at the same time is pretty maddening.
There is a tug of war between the intense emotions it takes to write and the burden of the build up of emotions when you can't find a way to get it out. It's soul searing at times. Manic and mellow, depressing and daring, euphoric and exhausting-all at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I could run from it-the urge to write-but other days I'm sure I couldn't live with out being able to do this. I wouldn't want to live if I couldn't write. So, writers block or writers bliss, I will take the seasons as they come and try to remind myself to look forward to the days when it flows through me as effortlessly as the stars twinkle...because tomorrow I must get out of bed and give it another try.
Now that I've vented a lil' about my blocks-tell me your thoughts on writers block. What do you find helps you clear your mind when you feel stuck?
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