I have been in denial ya’ll. I think it’s
time I come clean and let my man know that I have been having an affair. I have
actually been not only double timing him, but triple timing with two others…I’m
a hoe…A technology hoe!
I have a love affair going with my cell
phone. I call him Sammy G. When he gets all red and hot from me using him all
day long I spend my nights with Mac. How did it come to this? When did I
develop this aching need to spend every waking idol moment attached to
technology?
It may have started back when I first saw
New Jack City. Those huge cell phones. I was like-YES I need that. You mean I
can talk to someone when I’m not at home or on a payphone. I need it! But my
mom shut that one down-probably not the best look to be in middle school
lounging on a cell phone as big as my forearm.
Then the cordless phones for the house. I
was like-YES I need that. You mean I can walk around the house and talk on the
phone and not have to untangle the cord or maneuver around the super duper long
cord on the phone in the kitchen (don’t act like it was just at my grandma’s
house-ya’ll know you had that one phone that had the 19 foot cord that everyone
always used). We had to have one in every room.
Then came the beepers and 2 way pagers. Oh my goodness the beepers. My daughter asked me the other day, what a beeper was and why I even had
one. I told her-I could page someone and leave my number for them to call me
back and if it was important I’d put in 911-who wouldn’t want that, and a cases (from the booth in the mall) in like every color. YES! She looked at me and was
like, no mom-that’s an epic fail. I’d have to agree.
Two way pagers were pretty cool back then too. I was happy when actual cell phones that
could fit into a back pack or purse then came along. The wonderful flip phones. Dang flip phones were
the most popular thing for a while there.
Fast forward to the invasion of smart
phones, tablets and laptops and you erase the notion of personal space or
private time. My phone is always on, I’m always connected to the internet
wherever I am. I can’t tell you how many times I have called and cursed out
Charter because my freaking wireless internet was down. I didn’t know how to
function without it. I had to go learn (from the internet) how to troubleshoot,
repair and hook-up my own wifi and create my own personal network at home so I
don’t lose my internet connection-hopefully not as much. I needs my internet-
It’s like it just keeps calling me man, it keeps calling me…lol
Sorry about that lil’ tangent, I’m back. But
isn’t it simply awe-inspiring how far we have come with mobile technology just
in our lifetimes? Imagine how our kids will look back and recall things. I can
find any answer I want on google. Watch how it’s done on Youtube and order the
supplies on Amazon. I can text you that I can’t come to your party because I’m
home sick then you can see on four square or facebook that I’m actually at DSW.
Ok that wouldn’t happen-I keep my GPS off at all times. I can play uno with
friends (well random folks) listen to music, watch tv shows, read a book, video
chat I shop for my guy by sending him a picture of what I’m looking at, scan
items while I’m in the store to see if there is a better price somewhere else.
Buy movie tickets, check in for a flight, check my kids report card or see if
she is where she’s supposed to be when she’s supposed to be there, and most
importantly, buy junk! Oh yeah and I can still make calls.
And if I get sick of my phone I can open my
laptop and do just about the same thing only with a bigger screen and the added
bonus of being able to write. Who needs a man or kids-hell I’ll just buy life
sized cutouts just to keep around after they leave me for my technology
addition. At least I won’t have to feed them or no one will interrupt me when
I’m playing candy crush.
I will point out that with my love affairs
and addiction, I have become an impatient, give it to me now kind of person at
times. I'm not as bad as those folks who are in the bathroom with the cell phones-yuck! Don't do that people-it's nasty. That call can't wait and we gotta hear you talk about nothingness while we trying to have a moment of silence and a quick piss. I mean think about all the poo and pee particles in the air and on surfaces and then you touch it then touch your phone and put it to your face then come up to me like-hey, you wanna see this picture on my phone and I look at you like hell no I don't wanna touch your phone with feces particles on it. Whew, ok I'm done with that one, sorry. LOL
I can’t recall the last time I actually called someone and had a long,
long phone conversation. (like the ones that used to last hours and you’d fall
asleep holding the phone with the dial tone ringing in your ear) Emails and
ecards/facebook posts have replaced letters, and notes and cards. Being
adventurous has given way to, let’s check the reviews first. My love affairs
are slowly taking my humanity!!! Help me!
I tried to break up with Sammy but he just
sat there, looking all sad with his blinking lights. Then, he vibrated and I
knew he really wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet. He needed one more chance to
show he can give me space and let me be free. I just can’t let him go. I can’t
let Mac go either. They mean too much to me.
I’ll promise myself, I will only spend time
with them for 3, 4, ok 6 hours a day and only if it’s at night and only if it’s
for working on my novel or blog. Unless I need to google something or make a
shopping list or…maybe I should look up on my phone how to not use your phone
so much…oh to hell with it!
Me at a poetry reading. Yes I do have tons of poems saved on my phone.
(side note-my man was catching on to my
affairs so I got him a lil’ distraction we’ll just call iPatty, and he’s been
MIA ever since)
I should be twisting my hair but....
What do ya'll think? Anyone else out there find themselves attached by invisible cords to their devises?
